I've just had a ton of other things to do, and the amount of stupidity, vomiting, and poor decisions I live with make things seem more and more trivial every day.
But yesterday we had some excitement. Shitty Roommate woke up, and was obviously having a bad morning. So I asked him what was wrong. He told me about some work shit and that Moron Girlfriend drank twice her weight in liquor the night before. When he picked her up at a friend's at midnight, she was already vomiting. It took him 2 hours to get her to a car. Drove her home, where she spent 2 and a half more hours dry heaving and/or passing out in the bathroom. Shitty Roommate put her in the shower to try to sober her up, she wanted to sleep in it. He finally got her to bed around 5:30am. She then spit up bile or whatever in the bed because she thought she was still in the bathroom. So he had to change the sheets. At 6am.
I'm hearing this story at 10:30, maybe 11 am. She was in the bathroom for all but 15 minutes. Dry heaving. Now, I hear her vomit on the regular. So I don't pay attention. I have lunch, play some video games, and look at the clock. It's Noon Thirty. I go into the living room, hear Moron Girlfriend vomiting and do some quick math. This chick has been vomiting for over 12 hours now. So I explain to Shitty Roommate how she needs to go to the ER like yesterday. And that if he didn't get her there before he went to work, I was calling an ambulance for the chick. So he took her, she was there till 7pm. She was severely dehydrated. Shitty Roommate had to go right to work when they got back, and his mother came over to help Moron Girlfriend get settled and made sure she eats something.
She gave her Edamame (soy bean pods) that she steamed in the microwave, then SALTED. WHO GIVES SALT TO A DEHYDRATED PERSON???????????? The entire picture is starting to make sense.
Also, Shitty Roommate still owes us for May's cable, June's bill just came in, electric just came in and rent is due in 4 days...... And he just got a $180 ticket.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Dear Readers: I am a horrible person
Or at least I'm sure that's what Moron Girlfriend would tell you. Yesterday, while getting ready to go run a couple of errands, I saw Moron Girlfriend in the backyard playing with the Rat. I leave, and leave the door open because she's home and it's nice out. I go to the corner store, and double back to go to the bakery and see her walking down the road. Come back from the bakery, the door is wide open, and Moron Girlfriend is nowhere to be seen. So after fuming, taking the trash out, and speaking to the landlord, I text Shitty Roommate, explain how his Moron Girlfriend is nowhere to be found, and the door was wide open when I got back.
Now, yes. I left the door open as well. But that girl was in my line of sight when I did. I could not have been in her line of sight when she left as I was not even home.
I also purchased ant traps yesterday. We have a tiny ant problem. Shitty Roommate and Moron Girlfriend have been complaining about ants for a month (which I haven't even seen) but never bought the traps even though I suggested it 4 times. Now, here's how ant traps work in case you didn't know. Poison is in traps. Ants go in to traps, walk in poison that smells like tasty, then walk back home and kill friends with residual poison. So you shouldn't exactly kill every ant you see near the traps. because otherwise the colony doesn't die, just the ants that come out. Moron Girlfriend didn't know how they worked. While I was cutting Boyfriend's hair she starts killing ants. I tell her it's best to leave them alone when there are traps. She keeps killing them. So boyfriend tells her the same thing I just did. She continues. So I explain the situation to her like she was legitimately retarded. So she stands there and stares at these ants for 10 more minutes. I just... Yeah.
Here's the kicker. She went in her room with that Rat. I take the towels and shirt Boyfriend was wearing, and set them aside to wash them after shaking them out cuz they are covered in hair. Moron Girlfriend comes out with a sheet and says she's going to put it in the washer, and I tell her she might want to wait since that stuff is covered in hair. She puts it on the kitchen chair and says "Oh I don't care it's a sheet the Rat PEED ON." And then goes back to her room. So I go shake out the towels and clothes, put them in the washer with detergent and start it up. She comes back out, sees the washer running, asks if I started it yet (duh?) and then asks if I would mind if she put the sheet in with the clothes. I very nicely say to her "I would prefer you didn't because those are our clothes, and well, that has Rat piss on it...." She grabbed the sheet and stormed into her room slamming the door.
I'm sorry. I don't want your rat piss sheets in with my clothes. If my own cat had the disrespect to pee on my stuff, I wouldn't wash it with my clothes. I would also give the cat a serious talking to. Sometimes my cat eats too fast and pukes. I don't wash the things he pukes on (if anything) with my clothes. That's disgusting. AND THIS IS MY OWN PET. ONE WHO I CONSIDER THE CLOSEST THING I'LL EVER HAVE TO A KID. Not some vermin animal that has already destroyed my belongings.
Here's the other thing. In my discussion with the landlord, he had mentioned that he is totally open to selling Boyfriend and I the house in the future if we want to buy it. Which is cool. When I told Boyfriend this, we got to talking. Shitty Roommate still owes us $35 for utilities last month. Cable bill comes due next week. And rent and utilities is the week after that. Now, when it was time to pay rent last month, Shitty Roommate put it off till he got the deposit back till the last place. If you are a month in, and already can't pay any of your bills..... What are you doing here? He's $35 behind, owes $50 in a week, and probably another $75 plus the $450 rent the next week..... He makes less than Boyfriend does, and if Boyfriend was in the same place he was..... Boyfriend would have to be super tight about money. So I give him 2 more months before he's way in over his head. Three tops.
Now, yes. I left the door open as well. But that girl was in my line of sight when I did. I could not have been in her line of sight when she left as I was not even home.
I also purchased ant traps yesterday. We have a tiny ant problem. Shitty Roommate and Moron Girlfriend have been complaining about ants for a month (which I haven't even seen) but never bought the traps even though I suggested it 4 times. Now, here's how ant traps work in case you didn't know. Poison is in traps. Ants go in to traps, walk in poison that smells like tasty, then walk back home and kill friends with residual poison. So you shouldn't exactly kill every ant you see near the traps. because otherwise the colony doesn't die, just the ants that come out. Moron Girlfriend didn't know how they worked. While I was cutting Boyfriend's hair she starts killing ants. I tell her it's best to leave them alone when there are traps. She keeps killing them. So boyfriend tells her the same thing I just did. She continues. So I explain the situation to her like she was legitimately retarded. So she stands there and stares at these ants for 10 more minutes. I just... Yeah.
Here's the kicker. She went in her room with that Rat. I take the towels and shirt Boyfriend was wearing, and set them aside to wash them after shaking them out cuz they are covered in hair. Moron Girlfriend comes out with a sheet and says she's going to put it in the washer, and I tell her she might want to wait since that stuff is covered in hair. She puts it on the kitchen chair and says "Oh I don't care it's a sheet the Rat PEED ON." And then goes back to her room. So I go shake out the towels and clothes, put them in the washer with detergent and start it up. She comes back out, sees the washer running, asks if I started it yet (duh?) and then asks if I would mind if she put the sheet in with the clothes. I very nicely say to her "I would prefer you didn't because those are our clothes, and well, that has Rat piss on it...." She grabbed the sheet and stormed into her room slamming the door.
I'm sorry. I don't want your rat piss sheets in with my clothes. If my own cat had the disrespect to pee on my stuff, I wouldn't wash it with my clothes. I would also give the cat a serious talking to. Sometimes my cat eats too fast and pukes. I don't wash the things he pukes on (if anything) with my clothes. That's disgusting. AND THIS IS MY OWN PET. ONE WHO I CONSIDER THE CLOSEST THING I'LL EVER HAVE TO A KID. Not some vermin animal that has already destroyed my belongings.
Here's the other thing. In my discussion with the landlord, he had mentioned that he is totally open to selling Boyfriend and I the house in the future if we want to buy it. Which is cool. When I told Boyfriend this, we got to talking. Shitty Roommate still owes us $35 for utilities last month. Cable bill comes due next week. And rent and utilities is the week after that. Now, when it was time to pay rent last month, Shitty Roommate put it off till he got the deposit back till the last place. If you are a month in, and already can't pay any of your bills..... What are you doing here? He's $35 behind, owes $50 in a week, and probably another $75 plus the $450 rent the next week..... He makes less than Boyfriend does, and if Boyfriend was in the same place he was..... Boyfriend would have to be super tight about money. So I give him 2 more months before he's way in over his head. Three tops.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Wow.
Just wanted to take a quick break from my roommates' ridiculous antics to say that I have almost 400 views, and even viewers in Germany and France. I don't believe I even know people there. That's pretty awesome. Thanks guys!
In other news, Moron Girlfriend is a wasteful slag and horrific cook. I spend a good portion of my day shutting off lights, the stove fan, etc. cuz she just leaves them on. And she's cooked a lot this week. And by cooked, I mean filled the house with smoke while she sits on the couch in the living room. Yeah. I have no idea.
In other news, Moron Girlfriend is a wasteful slag and horrific cook. I spend a good portion of my day shutting off lights, the stove fan, etc. cuz she just leaves them on. And she's cooked a lot this week. And by cooked, I mean filled the house with smoke while she sits on the couch in the living room. Yeah. I have no idea.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Shitty Roommate says he's Italian.
Our house smells like falafel. (Read: Indian food in a diaper) I ask Shitty Roommate what he's cooking. He tells me "chicken and eggplant parm".
... Now I'm sorry but I was born and raised in an Italian household. I know what chicken and eggplant parm smells like. And I know that it sure as hell smells nothing like falafel. Also, I was shown a pile of pancetta then told "I'm also putting prosciutto in it". I'm not entirely sure how to deal with these things in my brain.
... Now I'm sorry but I was born and raised in an Italian household. I know what chicken and eggplant parm smells like. And I know that it sure as hell smells nothing like falafel. Also, I was shown a pile of pancetta then told "I'm also putting prosciutto in it". I'm not entirely sure how to deal with these things in my brain.
Monday, May 9, 2011
They strike again!
Last night at about 8 o'clock I went out on our porch to have a smoke. Our porch has been converted to a sunroom so is technically a part of the house and is the room we smoke in. Shitty Roommate, Moron Girlfriend and their Eternally High Friend were out there watching a movie on their laptop and eating a watermelon. A whole watermelon. On the rind. With a spoon.
Around 10 pm I came back out for another smoke and the three of them had left to take Eternally High Friend home. And there was the watermelon on the floor. Half eaten, still with the spoon.
This morning I woke up, saw Boyfriend off to work, and went out for my morning cigarette and what do I see? Watermelon and spoon. Still there. So I took it in the kitchen and set it on the table. The kitchen counter had chinese food left out on it and a literal fuckton of dirty dishes. When Shitty Roommate and Moron Girlfriend woke up at the crack of noon, they came out to the kitchen, looked at the watermelon on the table, and Shitty Roommate asked if I "wanted him to take that out for me".
Uhhhhhhhhh for me? Really, for ME? I didn't eat any watermelon and I sure didn't leave the rind on the porch all night. Slobs.
Around 10 pm I came back out for another smoke and the three of them had left to take Eternally High Friend home. And there was the watermelon on the floor. Half eaten, still with the spoon.
This morning I woke up, saw Boyfriend off to work, and went out for my morning cigarette and what do I see? Watermelon and spoon. Still there. So I took it in the kitchen and set it on the table. The kitchen counter had chinese food left out on it and a literal fuckton of dirty dishes. When Shitty Roommate and Moron Girlfriend woke up at the crack of noon, they came out to the kitchen, looked at the watermelon on the table, and Shitty Roommate asked if I "wanted him to take that out for me".
Uhhhhhhhhh for me? Really, for ME? I didn't eat any watermelon and I sure didn't leave the rind on the porch all night. Slobs.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
I have just been informed
By Shitty Roommate that I need to tell him next time I go to Petco so he can go cuz he "really needs to get out there man".
Petco is 10 minutes up the road. Shitty Roommate has a car. Take yourself? If your pet needs food go buy pet food for it. It's not my responsibility. Just like it's not my responsibility to feed your Moron Girlfriend.
Petco is 10 minutes up the road. Shitty Roommate has a car. Take yourself? If your pet needs food go buy pet food for it. It's not my responsibility. Just like it's not my responsibility to feed your Moron Girlfriend.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Oh Moron Girlfriend… *shakes head*
I just don’t think I’ve ever had so much contact with such a dumb individual. I could probably start a secondary blog titled “A year’s worth of dumb shit from this girl’s mouth”. Don’t get me wrong, she’s sweet as pie, but just as intelligent.
Yesterday she got a bill from her doctor for $720. Because she went in for a pregnancy test recently. Plus 20 other things. So she asked me to look at it and help her figure out why they charged so much. So I look at it, and at the top it says “no coverage found” So obviously they’re not billing her insurance. I ask and she tells me she has insurance. I ask if she gave them the card and she says no. Well, then… Are they mind readers? Apparently she is on a friend’s insurance. And said friend has her insurance card. Well that makes sense. She’s 20 years old. Why does someone else have her insurance card?
Then later we’re sitting talking about her pregnancy scare, and I mention that I have never once had a scare and she seemed shocked and asked how I could be so sure. I explained that I don’t ovulate since I’m on birth control. She asked me what ovulation had to do with getting pregnant. I had no words for that. None.
She also has a horrible habit of inviting herself out when I go somewhere. And it’s not that she does it that bothers me, it’s how she does it. Like, were I leaving to go food shopping and she were to say “Mind if I come with you?” I would gladly bring her along to where ever. But Boyfriend and I generally go out to eat once a week, maybe twice if we have a reason or extra money. And last night before Boyfriend even got home I said something about that we were going out for dinner and should get dressed and Moron Girlfriend says “Oh, maybe I’ll get a little tipsy and go out with you guys.” Here are my problems with this. 1. For all she knows we are going on a date. Why would we want her there, much less drunk underage at a table where I plan on drinking alcohol? 2. Tuesday nights are wing nights. Boyfriend and I go out with his friends to hang out and eat cheap wings and escape a bit from home. Again, why would I want to bring her when I’m going to get away from her? 3. She didn’t ask if she could come with us, just pretty much stated she was going to get drunk and go with us. No.
It’s really a lack of manners or possibly a lack of intelligence to realize there is a lack of manners. She also got fairly miffed when I mentioned to both of them that leaving dirty food stuff out is entirely unacceptable. She just went “well I feel like I do most of the cleaning.” Good! You have no money, you don’t cook, how in the fuck else can we justify having you here? No I don’t pay bills, but I did pay the small portion of rent and deposit for my cat. And I clean every day. I do laundry. I iron. I cook dinner. I take the garbage out. I take care of the house while Boyfriend takes care of the bills. So wtf woman? Contribute to your life.
Yesterday she got a bill from her doctor for $720. Because she went in for a pregnancy test recently. Plus 20 other things. So she asked me to look at it and help her figure out why they charged so much. So I look at it, and at the top it says “no coverage found” So obviously they’re not billing her insurance. I ask and she tells me she has insurance. I ask if she gave them the card and she says no. Well, then… Are they mind readers? Apparently she is on a friend’s insurance. And said friend has her insurance card. Well that makes sense. She’s 20 years old. Why does someone else have her insurance card?
Then later we’re sitting talking about her pregnancy scare, and I mention that I have never once had a scare and she seemed shocked and asked how I could be so sure. I explained that I don’t ovulate since I’m on birth control. She asked me what ovulation had to do with getting pregnant. I had no words for that. None.
She also has a horrible habit of inviting herself out when I go somewhere. And it’s not that she does it that bothers me, it’s how she does it. Like, were I leaving to go food shopping and she were to say “Mind if I come with you?” I would gladly bring her along to where ever. But Boyfriend and I generally go out to eat once a week, maybe twice if we have a reason or extra money. And last night before Boyfriend even got home I said something about that we were going out for dinner and should get dressed and Moron Girlfriend says “Oh, maybe I’ll get a little tipsy and go out with you guys.” Here are my problems with this. 1. For all she knows we are going on a date. Why would we want her there, much less drunk underage at a table where I plan on drinking alcohol? 2. Tuesday nights are wing nights. Boyfriend and I go out with his friends to hang out and eat cheap wings and escape a bit from home. Again, why would I want to bring her when I’m going to get away from her? 3. She didn’t ask if she could come with us, just pretty much stated she was going to get drunk and go with us. No.
It’s really a lack of manners or possibly a lack of intelligence to realize there is a lack of manners. She also got fairly miffed when I mentioned to both of them that leaving dirty food stuff out is entirely unacceptable. She just went “well I feel like I do most of the cleaning.” Good! You have no money, you don’t cook, how in the fuck else can we justify having you here? No I don’t pay bills, but I did pay the small portion of rent and deposit for my cat. And I clean every day. I do laundry. I iron. I cook dinner. I take the garbage out. I take care of the house while Boyfriend takes care of the bills. So wtf woman? Contribute to your life.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Sorry this took me a while
This weekend was… Interesting. We presented Shitty Roommate and Moron Girlfriend with a roommate agreement. And surprisingly they signed it. Somehow though, I do not hold out for a complete stop of shenanigans. They seemed to not understand the concept of feeding themselves though. Shitty Roommate kept saying “we’ll work something out”. We have. We buy our own food. You buy your own food. Fin. He also said “Well I bought $150 worth of produce…..” Yup. Cuz crazy foods make dinner.
Anyway, Shitty Roommate has 6 months to replace the couch. Boyfriend voiced concerns to him about Moron Girlfriend vomiting her stomach lining up and he said she just has a lot of mucus in the morning. I’m sorry, but I know the difference between coughing up and spitting out “lung butter” and sticking fingers down your throat till you vomit 2-3 times a day.
Anyway, Shitty Roommate has 6 months to replace the couch. Boyfriend voiced concerns to him about Moron Girlfriend vomiting her stomach lining up and he said she just has a lot of mucus in the morning. I’m sorry, but I know the difference between coughing up and spitting out “lung butter” and sticking fingers down your throat till you vomit 2-3 times a day.
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