A look in the the hollow space between Moron Girlfriend's ears

Now, I do not have a lot of money. I get foodstamps. That’s how little money I have. So being that it’s the end of the month, I have very little foodstamps as well. Tuesday I went shopping for the week. Boyfriend gave me cash, and I asked Shitty Roommate and Moron Girlfriend if they needed/wanted anything. Of course they did and so I asked if they had money to throw in. They said no, they just paid student loans. And I quickly explain I had $40 left for food for the rest of the month and if I could afford these things I would get them. 

I leave, get in the car, and before I pull out of the driveway, I call to check my balance so I know exactly how much I have and can spend. I had $24 left. But it was okay. I had some frozen chicken at home, enough for at least 2 meals, and some sauce so we could have at least one pasta meal. I will not bore your all with the details of my grocery spoils, but I got enough food for Boyfriend and I to eat a decent breakfast and lunch until the 2^nd for only $23.50.

When I got home Moron Girlfriend was in the kitchen. And I explained how I in fact had half the money I thought I did, so at least until I get more foodstamps I was going to need her help rearranging the fridge. I was going to take one shelf, one door rack and one cabinet. So were her and her boyfriend. We have a third shelf and rack which is going to be designated “Communal” and split the freezer.

Now here is where it gets fun. The night before, Boyfriend and I had Salmon for dinner. She does not eat fish. Tuesday is Wing Night and we go out to eat. Last night I cooked four servings of chicken cutlets for sandwiches. And delicious fried oyster mushrooms. I did not offer any to Moron Girlfriend because I had exactly enough for Boyfriend and I to have it for dinner, and the leftovers for lunch today. During dinner, Boyfriend commented that I had gotten my nails done, which is true, and then asked me what I ordered on Amazon.com.

Now, before someone asks why I am not feeding this girl when I have money to shop on Amazon, and to get my nails done….. I work on a budget. The state gives me a set amount every month for food. I can feed myself on that. And feed Boyfriend. I do not spend loose change. I save it, take it to Coinstar, and cash it in for an Amazon gift certificate because I can get ANYTHING on Amazon and they don’t take a percentage of my money to do that. I also can afford $40 a month to pamper myself in the tiniest bit. I don’t feel that I need to give that up in order to feed my roommate.

So anyway, as Boyfriend and I are discussing things involving money I spent today, you can feel Moron Girlfriend getting annoyed. And after we ate, we retired to our room to hang out for a while. You could hear Moron Girlfriend slamming things around the house. Fairly certain she’s mad at me.

For funsies, here are some of her antics as of late:

1.     I am entirely certain she is bulimic. Every morning, at about 10:30, she gets up, goes to the bathroom, turns on the faucet, and gags for 10-30 minutes. Up until last week she thought she was pregnant and so did I due to the puking. But she went to the OB, took a test there and is not. She’s also concerned about “all the weight she gained” when she thought she was pregnant. The girl wears a size 1.

2.     She will rearrange things I put in the dishwasher so less stuff fits, but never runs it once she makes it full. I have to go through it every night and move everything back to where stuff fits so I can run the wash.

3.     When she cooks, she leaves her mess out for 2+ hours after she eats before she will clean up her mess.

4.     She often assumes that I will drive her across town for free when gas is $4 a gallon.

5.     I am a smoker. But I smoke on the closed in porch or outside. Because I do not want my house to smell like stale smoke. I also open the windows on the porch and spray fabreeze in there when I am finished. There is a window in the wall between the porch and the living room. Often, when Shitty Roommate smokes on the porch he opens the window to the house. I always go and close it the next time I am in there, but it takes two people. The side where you can physically close the windowpane, and the lock to keep it up are on two different sides. So one person needs to hold it shut while the other locks it. Yesterday, I ask Moron Girlfriend to do me a favor and lock the window so I could go smoke and “I do not like my house to smell like smoke”.  She replies “Oh no, Shitty Roommate opened it, it can stay open.” I had to repeat my sentence, overemphasizing and pantomiming the words “I” and “my”. She looked at me as if to say “why do you care what it smells like in here?”.

6.     She always rearranges things I have put in the common area to suit her liking. I often will move shit for no reason while she is sleeping or not home just to watch her try to fix it when she gets home or wakes up.

This weekend Boyfriend and I are presenting them with a roommate agreement. Either they will agree, sign it and this blog will die (Unlikely.), or Shitty Roommate will throw a temper tantrum and Boyfriend and I will remove one item we own from common areas every day that passes. Which is a good 95% of the stuff in the house. We have yet to decide if it would be more amusing if we took the tv or couch away first.