Sorry this has taken me a while to update

But somehow I’ve managed to get myself a social life. Last weekend, Shitty Roommate not only bought a brand new set of wine glasses to replace the one he broke, but also to everyone out to dinner to try and start over. It was really nice. And I’ve come to realize, Shitty Roommate isn’t really shitty. But He is Less Than Stellar Roommate. Moron Girlfriend on the other hand…

So after all this, the next 2 days, Moron girlfriend would take one or two things out of the clean dishwasher, use them and leave the rest for me to put away. She had been out at friend’s houses when I was home and doesn’t have a cell phone, so I left a note for her saying it really pisses me off when she does so, so please try to empty the dishwasher if you need something out of there since it’s a quick, simple task. She gets pissy about the note, and does the same thing the next morning. So I refused to empty it. I piled a day’s worth of dishes in our tiny sink. And I went to bed. And woke up the next morning, dishes still in the sink. I went out, ran errands, including buying dishwasher packets because we were out, and came home to find the dishwasher running with no soap. So the packets are sitting in my room. With the drainboard I bought so there will be no washing by hand.

Currently there is a dishwasher packed full of dirty dishes, and has been for 48 hours. If by tomorrow morning they are not washed I’m packing them up. Seriously, a month’s worth of stuff is 6 bucks.  Why do I need to spend money on all of the cleaning supplies? You guys make messes and use dishes. OH! And Moron Girlfriend hasn’t said a word to Boyfriend or I since the note I left her. Andddddd bills are due these next two weeks. Rent, electric and cable in the next 15 days. We’ll see.

I have the best landlord ever.

I just had a talk with him about what's going on in my house. And he was the most understanding person ever. Even offered to put them in a cheaper place they deal with, but do not own or manage, that would be "better suited for them". Then clarified that better suited meant "not as nice or well managed". So, now Boyfriend and I are going to have to sit down and work out a serious budget at least until he gets his promotion. It may mean less fun things on a regular basis, and less trips home, but to have these guys out of here? It's entirely worth it.


Now just cross your fingers that they leave peacefully.

Manners? Not in this house

I have a BEAUTIFUL stainless steel pot. It's huge. I use it to cook pastas or make soups. It was $50. Monday morning I emptied the dishwasher. Said pot was in there, with an indeterminable brown substance stuck to it. So I left it out for whoever used it to wash it by hand. It sat in the sink for 4 whole days. No one touched it. I finally broke down and bought a brillo pad and spent 20 minutes trying to clean it. No dice. Now that pot is in storage. As will any other item I see Shitty Roommate and Moron Girlfriend disrespect.

And the couch... They still let the rodent run around on it.  So this weekend I am measuring the cushions, throwing them out, making new ones, and having a professional cleaning company come in and clean it. And if I see that rodent put so much as one paw on it, guess where the couch goes? Storage. Until these two leeches leave my house.

Also, Shitty Roommate rang my phone at 3am last night. From his room. For reasons I do not know because I do not answer the phone between midnight and 8am. I can not think of a single instance where it is necessary to call someone that late. Someone died? They'll be dead when I wake up. I need a ride to the hospital? That's what 911 is for. Also, we live in the same house. It's okay to break my door at 7am on a Sunday to ask me to go to your shitty overpriced farmer's market, but you can't knock during some sort of late night crisis? Oh. I see where that makes sense.

Not to mention this kid only pays us his share of the bills when we're not home. Which would be fine if he left money in the desk in the LIVING ROOM like we ask him, but no. He comes into our bedroom and leaves it on the dresser. Listen douchebag, there is no reason for you to come in my room uninvited ever. Ever. Especially when I am not home. I need to get a hold of my landlord and speak to him about this issue. We don't have regular doors. We have no way of really locking them from the outside. So I either need a new door or they need to get out.

My patience is officially gone. I am just going to have my bitch pants on TIGHT until they leave or grow up.

The end of the month is a fun time here.

It is June first. Shitty Roommate still hasn't paid for May's cable. Or phone. Or internet.

I just got a text from our Awesome Landlord telling me our rent was short. I know we paid half since I wrote out the check. Shitty Roommate is under the impression that we should pay $5 more rent. I have no idea why.

Also, no one ran the dishwasher for 4 days. So we were out of glasses. I ran it this morning, Moron girlfriend put them away, then decided to use my $20 wine glass a water glass. For reason unknown to me. Awesome.

Sorry it's been so quiet here

I've just had a ton of other things to do, and the amount of stupidity, vomiting, and poor decisions I live with make things seem more and more trivial every day.

But yesterday we had some excitement. Shitty Roommate woke up, and was obviously having a bad morning. So I asked him what was wrong. He told me about some work shit and that Moron Girlfriend drank twice her weight in liquor the night before. When he picked her up at a friend's at midnight, she was already vomiting. It took him 2 hours to get her to a car. Drove her home, where she spent 2 and a half more hours dry heaving and/or passing out in the bathroom. Shitty Roommate put her in the shower to try to sober her up, she wanted to sleep in it. He finally got her to bed around 5:30am. She then spit up bile or whatever in the bed because she thought she was still in the bathroom. So he had to change the sheets. At 6am.

I'm hearing this story at 10:30, maybe 11 am. She was in the bathroom for all but 15 minutes. Dry heaving. Now, I hear her vomit on the regular. So I don't pay attention. I have lunch, play some video games, and look at the clock. It's Noon Thirty. I go into the living room, hear Moron Girlfriend vomiting and do some quick math. This chick has been vomiting for over 12 hours now. So I explain to Shitty Roommate how she needs to go to the ER like yesterday. And that if he didn't get her there before he went to work, I was calling an ambulance for the chick. So he took her, she was there till 7pm. She was severely dehydrated. Shitty Roommate had to go right to work when they got back, and his mother came over to help Moron Girlfriend get settled and made sure she eats something.

She gave her Edamame (soy bean pods) that she steamed in the microwave, then SALTED. WHO GIVES SALT TO A DEHYDRATED PERSON???????????? The entire picture is starting to make sense.

Also, Shitty Roommate still owes us for May's cable, June's bill just came in, electric just came in and rent is due in 4 days...... And he just got a $180 ticket.

Dear Readers: I am a horrible person

Or at least I'm sure that's what Moron Girlfriend would tell you. Yesterday, while getting ready to go run a couple of errands, I saw Moron Girlfriend in the backyard playing with the Rat. I leave, and leave the door open because she's home and it's nice out. I go to the corner store, and double back to go to the bakery and see her walking down the road. Come back from the bakery, the door is wide open, and Moron Girlfriend is nowhere to be seen. So after fuming, taking the trash out, and speaking to the landlord, I text Shitty Roommate, explain how his Moron Girlfriend is nowhere to be found, and the door was wide open when I got back.


Now, yes. I left the door open as well. But that girl was in my line of sight when I did. I could not have been in her line of sight when she left as I was not even home.

I also purchased ant traps yesterday. We have a tiny ant problem. Shitty Roommate and Moron Girlfriend have been complaining about ants for a month (which I haven't even seen) but never bought the traps even though I suggested it 4 times. Now, here's how ant traps work in case you didn't know. Poison is in traps. Ants go in to traps, walk in poison that smells like tasty, then walk back home and kill friends with residual poison. So you shouldn't exactly kill every ant you see near the traps. because otherwise the colony doesn't die, just the ants that come out. Moron Girlfriend didn't know how they worked. While I was cutting Boyfriend's hair she starts killing ants. I tell her it's best to leave them alone when there are traps. She keeps killing them. So boyfriend tells her the same thing I just did. She continues. So I explain the situation to her like she was legitimately retarded. So she stands there and stares at these ants for 10 more minutes. I just... Yeah.


Here's the kicker. She went in her room with that Rat. I take the towels and shirt Boyfriend was wearing, and set them aside to wash them after shaking them out cuz they are covered in hair. Moron Girlfriend comes out with a sheet and says she's going to put it in the washer, and I tell her she might want to wait since that stuff is covered in hair. She puts it on the kitchen chair and says "Oh I don't care it's a sheet the Rat PEED ON." And then goes back to her room. So I go shake out the towels and clothes, put them in the washer with detergent and start it up. She comes back out, sees the washer running, asks if I started it yet (duh?) and then asks if I would mind if she put the sheet in with the clothes. I very nicely say to her "I would prefer you didn't because those are our clothes, and well, that has Rat piss on it...." She grabbed the sheet and stormed into her room slamming the door.


I'm sorry. I don't want your rat piss sheets in with my clothes. If my own cat had the disrespect to pee on my stuff, I wouldn't wash it with my clothes. I would also give the cat a serious talking to. Sometimes my cat eats too fast and pukes. I don't wash the things he pukes on (if anything) with my clothes. That's disgusting. AND THIS IS MY OWN PET. ONE WHO I CONSIDER THE CLOSEST THING I'LL EVER HAVE TO A KID. Not some vermin animal that has already destroyed my belongings.



Here's the other thing. In my discussion with the landlord, he had mentioned that he is totally open to selling Boyfriend and I the house in the future if we want to buy it. Which is cool. When I told Boyfriend this, we got to talking. Shitty Roommate still owes us $35 for utilities last month. Cable bill comes due next week. And rent and utilities is the week after that. Now, when it was time to pay rent last month, Shitty Roommate put it off till he got the deposit back till the last place. If you are a month in, and already can't pay any of your bills..... What are you doing here? He's $35 behind, owes $50 in a week, and probably another $75 plus the $450 rent the next week..... He makes less than Boyfriend does, and if Boyfriend was in the same place he was..... Boyfriend would have to be super tight about money. So I give him 2 more months before he's way in over his head. Three tops.

Wow.

Just wanted to take a quick break from my roommates' ridiculous antics to say that I have almost 400 views, and even viewers in Germany and France. I don't believe I even know people there.  That's pretty awesome. Thanks guys!


In other news, Moron Girlfriend is a wasteful slag and horrific cook. I spend a good portion of my day shutting off lights, the stove fan, etc. cuz she just leaves them on. And she's cooked a lot this week. And by cooked, I mean filled the house with smoke while she sits on the couch in the living room. Yeah. I have no idea.